Friday, August 22, 2008

I've moved

Check out the hottest new site on the internet*:

*It's not that good really so don't be too disappointed

Monday, May 26, 2008

To the manufacturers of inkjet printers worldwide...

...when I'm Master of the Universe, there will be a special place reserved for the lot ofyou in the Ninth Circle of Hell.

You shit me to tears and you can all go and fuck yourselves!!!!

Updated later...

Seriously, you arseholes have really made the list!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Brrr! It's bloody ridiculous weather here!

I'm on the world's longest business trip here in Canada.

Thankfully, I have a good colleague and friend to pass the time with. Here you can see him making our vehicle driveable tonight after we finished work.

As if that wasn't bad enough, this morning I had to dig the car out of the car park or we would have been late. Apparently, they don't do snowploughs the way we're used to them in the Village of the Damned.

We've had a fun two weeks but I'll be very glad to get home from my (hopefully) last trip of the year.*

*This year I have flown over 130'000 miles and there are still two flights, worth about 15'000 miles, to be added.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Stolen music meme from Ms. Mac

Seen on the Frau's blog.

The Soundtrack of my Life!

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool ...

Opening Credits
- Express Yourself - Madonna

Waking Up - Something to Talk About - Badly Drawn Boy (Normally true)

First Day at School
Little by Little - Oasis

Falling in Love - Wild Wild Life - Talking Heads (It really is.)

Fight Song - Choir Girl - Cold Chisel

Breaking Up - This is your Life - Dust Brothers and Tyler Durden (No Way!!!)

School Ball - It Began in Afrika - Chemical Brothers

Life is Good - Fixing My Brain - Brad Sucks (Awesome Song)

Mental Breakdown - Khe Sanh - Cold Chisel (This should be swapped with the one above)

Driving - Child in the Tree -The Young Gods (Same band as Ms. Mac's driving song - spooky)

Getting Back Together - True Love Way - Kings of Leon

Wedding - Surface to Air - Chemical Brothers

Paying the Dues - Merry Go Round - Cold Chisel

The Night Before the War - Shipyards of New Zealand - Midnight Oil

Final Battle - Pace It - Magic Dirt

Moment of Triumph - Star Guitar - Chemical Brothers

Death Scene - Ceremony - New Order (this is perfect - it must be playing at my death scene)

Funeral Song - Burning Down the House - Talking Heads (I fucking will be too!)

End Credits - Time to Take Out the Trash - Brad Sucks

In conclusion: Go on, you do this bit!

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Excuse me, I've just vomitted in my own lap.

I love Formula 1 racing. It is my absolute favourite spectator sport and the success that my team McLaren are having this year is great to watch.

I think that the progress of Lewis Hamilton has been nothing short of phenomenal, but we mustn't forget that he has been a McLaren "employee / driver" since he was 11 years old.

Despite the brilliance of him and this year's McLaren, I can't believe how badly ITV are ruining his success for me. They spend the entire broadcast moaning orgasmically about everything he has ever done, is doing or ever will do. The Lewis Hamilton Love Fest this week is from Silverstone so this is his "home" GP. The queue to blow him starts somewhere around Milton Keynes and is composed entirely of ITV on-air "talent".

Poor old Jense and his old man John. Once the darling of ITV and the true love of James Allen and Jim Rosenthal, they now spend every race weekend in this clapped out caravan, which ironically, even on bricks is faster than this year's Honda,

Thankfully the old slapper Louise Goodman is still squeezing her thighs together every time she shoves a microphone in Jenson's face. I think she secretly wants to come over to Jenson's caravan and warm his beans for him but mustn't deviate from the ITV LHLF regulations.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

So that's what we have been doing wrong.

A Doctor finally tells the truth in this interview:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q : Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007


Ms. Mac just took this test and challenged others to do the same. I don't think I did too badly, since I got 25/25 in the test.

How smart are you?

Better check for yourself if you're smarter than me.*

*Obviously, this will be impossible since I got 25/25, but you can dream.