Yes, welcome back...

Ahoy ship mates. A thousand apologies for the lack of posts. Given that it is a month and a day since my last one, I feel that I should make something of an effort to write something.

I am not in the most energetic of moods and this makes it somewhat more difficult to do, but here we are...

Some random thoughts:

• If you remember last time, we were debating the relative merits of MP3 players (among other things) and which one I should get. You'll be disappointed (as I am) to hear that I haven't got one at all yet. There is no real reason for this other than a better things to do with my money at present. Result: MP3 player - on hold.

• Great to hear that the "band" Busted are no more. Best news on the UK music front in ages. I say that, even though I never hear any of their music and am not bombarded by images and news of them in the popular media. Don't tell me you don't have an irrational hatred of someone! We all do it - it's what separates us from the animals.

• This is totally repellent and enough to make anyone turn from their life of crime: A man who stole a truck in Vancouver, Washington, was arrested after he choked on the truck driver's tobacco spit, which he mistook for a drink. The thief took a swig, choked and had to phone for medical help. Eww ew ewwww!!!!

• If I don't get lynched by the PC (pollitically correct - not personal computer) police, I'll be surprised but here goes - the Deaflympics (WTF??) have jsut been run in Melbourne. I assume that the main complaint of these people is they don't hear very well. I know that is very glib and deafness is no laughing matter, but to have your own separate, international olympics meeting because you're deaf seems to be drawing the bowstring pretty tight. I haven't seen too much talking between the competitors in the 100m so I don't see that hearing (good or bad) is a pre-requisite. Given that light travels significantly faster than sound, would athletes who are reacting to a non-audible signal have an advantage over the rest of us?
  

You know, it's getting ridiculous! It is time we fat, wheezy people got our own international sporting event. To this end, it is with great pride that the Flablympics TM are officially launched [Cue the long trumpety- bugle things with the flags hanging off them]. For too long now, fat wheezy gits who spend more time on their PC than their stairmaster have been marginalised, nay, ignored by the international sporting community. It is time my flabby brothers and sisters, for us to rise up and take our place amongst the rest of the sporting world.

The Flablympics TM will celebrate mediocrity in all its myriad forms. Whether you're a member of the celebrated, un-fit elite plowing your way through that family-sized bag of Doritos and sculling down 3L Thirst-Tankers of Coke, a spotty faced git with a pencil neck and breath so bad, you'd make a maggot gag, or you're a train-smash of human being content to wash yourself with a rag on a stick, you deserve a chance to compete at an international level without the (additional) handicap of having to qualify and compete against hard-bodied olympic-standard athletes with white teeth and rock hard abs, who've trained their whole lives for the chance to represent their country at the highest level of sport.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm being sarcastic Marge! I don't know about you, but for my money, the Deaflympics is just another example of what's wrong with the world we live in. On the one hand, nobody wants to be classified as "disabled", "handicapped" or "special" yet there needs to be special categories of things open only to them. I am "lucky" enough to be a healthy, ordinary person with nothing about me that would qualify me as deserving of special treatment, and I guess that is how we should all hope to be, yet special interest groups dominate our lives with their constant harping about the rights of the [insert special interest here]. The most irksome thing of all is how the campaigners are rarely a member of the special interest themselves. It is so much more noble to campaign on someone else's behalf isn't it.

Gotta finish now, or I'll say something I might really regret...and wouldn't that be something?

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