Thursday, July 28, 2005

Licking a window near you soon

Oh my god!!! I only just found out yesterday, after 15 and a half years of bliss, that my lovely wife is a bona fide mouth breather. The shame and the embarrassment of it all.

Yes dear reader, she is a mouth breather - but only at the swimming pool. It turns out that she is completely unable to breathe out through her nose whilst underwater. You know how you put your face in the water whilst swimming and breathe out through your nose, turn your head out of the water and breathe in, rinse and repeat for the length of your swimming experience. Well, it seems that she cannot do this?!?!

When one is duck diving and generally playing around in the deep end, it is important to be able to breathe out through one's nose so that you don't get water up there whilst you are pretending to be a friendly mermaid or playful killer whale (our favourite pool games). Alas, ms. mac cannot do it!

We were playing a new game called "Find the Snitch", where I had to place the little yellow super ball that we found on the bottom of the pool. Then it would slowly float to the surface (due to its slightly positive buoyancy) and then the rest of the family would dive down underwater and try to catch the snitch. All fun and games till someone makes an embarrassing revelation.

During the game, ms. mac was trying to get the ball on the bottom to give my eardrums a break and she was having trouble getting down there. She is the most positively buoyant person who ever lived. So I told here to breathe out through her nose whilst descending so that she would sink more readily. She said "I can't breathe out through my nose underwater." It's true too! Every time she tried it, she would put her face in the water and try to breathe out through her nose and then come out of the water and let rip with a huge Würst-Käse Salat belch in my face. Turns out that something weird happens to her mouth internals when her face gets wet and she cannot breathe properly.

Above the water she can breathe like a normal human but in the water, she becomes some sort of window-licking retard. What fun!


Andi said...

"Find the Snitch?" Oh, I thought you called it somethig else......

BUT, surprise Surprise, I am alike. I can't do that either. So Ms Mac, don't worry about it.

mr. mac said...

Andi, we prefer not to play THAT version of the game with the children.

Besides, the balls used in THAT version of the game are neither small nor yellow, but they are quite super;-)