In a recent poll entitled "World's Most Politically Astute People", I was ranked number 4,577,368,102. So I am not really entitled to spout off about world events, current affairs and the like.
But I'm gonna do it anyway!
Read this story and tell me that there is any fucking excuse for this shit to be happening in this day and age.
What was Live8 all about? What the fuck did Bandaid20 achieve? About three-fifths of fuck all if you ask me (which you did cos you're sitting there reading this).
Apparently, "Those behind the Make Poverty History and Live8 events say that drawing attention to one disaster and turning the political campaign into a fundraising effort would have been counterproductive.".
Yes, much better to leave it to the G8 dudes to make it all happen. You just know that we can trust them to make the world a better place.
I could go on about this for ages and millions of blogs have all said the same thing. It's boring but hey, there must be some way to fix this problem. Did you know that acccording to this website, the money spent securing the oil rights in Iraq could have fully funded global anti-hunger efforts for ?? That figure alone is worth US$185 billion and climbing.
Whether that statistic is true or not* (and leaving aside the moral issues of the war in Iraq), it shows you that there is a fair bit of loose change rolling around in the pockets of governments in the so-called first world. Is it really still up to you and me to fix this problem? I find it quite offensive that people like Tony Blair make a big deal out of the fact that the government donated such-and-such million quid to cause XYZ and urge all Britons to follow suit. Hang on a second. Where do you think you got the money from in the first place T? Did you wriggle that cute nose of yours Samantha Stevens style?
Frankly, I don't think poverty is the biggest issue on the minds of the people of Niger. I reckon they'd rather have something to eat and the knowledge that they will be able to feed the kids tomorrow, rather than finding out that the G8 summit magnanimously (is there ever a time that word isn't used sarcastically?) agreed to cancel $1 of debt per person in Africa this year. Can you spell empty gesture children? (Hint: G - 8).
With that in mind, here is the text of my letter to the one person that can solve everything. It is no less rational than anything our elected leaders have offered, and frankly, it's more likely to happen.
Can you come and fix the world for us? We fucked it up pretty bad and nobody seems to be able to put it right. I know that if you fix it for us, there will be some hilarious hi-jinks to contend with. Especially if we invite Dr. Bellows and his wife over for dinner, but it's nothing we can't resolve in 21 minutes plus commercials (or 42 if we make it a two-parter).
Yours in blinking adoration,
(BTW How hot was Jeannie's evil twin sister with the dark hair?)
*It is a proven fact that 87.463% of all statistics are made up on the spot.