Sunday, September 18, 2005

Spam Sandwich Anyone?

I like to be bombarded by spam as much as the next person, but I found this particular email to be quite amusing.

From: "Nona Haley"

The Only Clinically Tested Penis Enlargement Pills that works..

- add 1-4 inches to your peniis
- 20% thicker
- 5x more enjoyable orgasm
- or your monneyy back without question ask!

Join millions of delighted users which has been benefited
with Maxxlength3.

Apart from the fact that I only have one penis so I shan't be adding any inches to my penii, the purpose of saturation advertising is to put enough copies of your link out there to get a few bunnies to click on it and then a few of them might buy your product, right?

The thing is though, if your product actually can make my knob 4 inches (!!!) bigger and I can enjoy 5 times better orgasms why did I have to hear about through the trusted medium of spam???

Note to manufacturers of miracle products:
If your miracle product actually works, advertise it on a billboard sized TV in Times Square or at Piccadilly Circus. Granted, it will cost a lot but at least people might actually believe that your product is worth something and then come and buy it. After all, you wouldn't spend your hard-earned money on a scam so why should we?

I can see why some people wouldn't want us to all take this miracle product though. When all of our knobs are 4 inches bigger nothing will have changed except that we will feel like we are all looking at our knobs through magnifying glasses, and then who has won? Relatively speaking, all of our knobs will still have the same variations in size that they do now. Pornstars will have 20 inch knobs and people will snicker in the changerooms at the guy with the eight incher.

I predict that if the manufacturers of this miracle product do follow my marketing strategy, disaster will befall us all. The earth's axis will be tipped off line and there will be an unprecedented and irreversible climate change for the worse. The next ice age perhaps. Then we'll need a new miracle product to cope with the detrimental effects of shrinkage and things will just go from bad to worse.

Kudos for marketing your product in a responsible and sensible fashion, Ms. Haley. Your commitment to the welfare of humanity is admirable. I for one, realise that you spamming me is nothing more than me contributing to your noble efforts. Keep serving me up that spam. I have some other email addresses you could use too. Also, please find attached my entire email address list for your use so that you may continue the good works.

P.S. Thanks for the remarkable results I have seen over only a four week course of your miracle product. My wife and I have been pleasantly surprised by the remarkable results. Please debit my visa card 5345 8867 3411 0443 every month till further notice.

---End transmission---


Jon said...

Do you really expect us to believe that pills are going to improve penis size and girth... hehe, girth!

Do you think we are stupid?!

*goes to get credit card...*

mr. mac said...

I love the term girth. I firmly (tehee) believe in the two pillars (teehee) of penis size - the worth of girth and the strength of length.

And so does ms. mac ;-)

Jon said...

I can imagine! *wink*

tori said...

"or your monneyy back without question ask" - is Yoda writing their advertising copy?!?!?

i'm all for girth - what a chap lacks in length can often be made up for in girth, but NEVER vicey versy.

firmly.. pillars.. ooer vicar!